I just want to be loved...

I have always known I was gay, but I especially knew at 14. That is when I came out. When I went through a little ex-gay program and prayed and prayed for God to take away the gay (and after realizing I could never be straight after trying to be with a man) I settled on a life of singleness. I was happy then, even though I was single. Everyone loved me, but I was alone. Now that I have someone and I'm very happy with them, my family life is strained. It's like I have to choose. I can't handle the stress. I mean, my family life isn't BAD, but I know my brother's are pissed about my life. My mom asks "how did you wind up getting back in sin? You were doing so good beating it!"

I can understand people not agreeing with me, but acting like I am the worst person in the world is not helping me. Treating me like I am the most God-awful sinner does not help me. I am still me, but I am trying to figure out who I am and what direction to go in with my life. I never was "straight". I just tried two different options, being with a man and singleness. I don't want to live a lonely life and die alone. I am a good person. I'm a Christian and I have bent over backwards for my family. I babysit my nieces, I have been to every single performance, birthday party, dance recital, etc. I took care of my dad after his stroke. I took him to rehab, and I take him to his doctors appointments. I give money to poor people when I can, I sponsor children, I NEVER get angry or treat anyone bad.

And here I feel like I'm a fucking disgusting evil person. I can't live like this.